I've literally just awoken, well not there now.. I woke up at about 11am and it's now half past.. I've had breakfast and now I'm just sitting here.
It's really sunny today and papa said it was warm and everything! Nice times :)
I'm feeling a bit gloom gloom though. I hate these random bursts of gloominess. I think it was triggered by yesterday as I did absolutely nothing and my whole family were napping (I hate how they nap. They nap so much, ALL OF THEM! I'll never understand it.. it bores the life out of me..)
Anyways, so I guess I've woken up today, half knowing I won't be doing very much either.. and then I just get annoyed and frustrated at how idle I am these days. I hate it. I don't want to go overly deep and scare anyone.. I'm sure I'll be fine once I shower and find something to do! I just feel so useless these days, like I have no purpose or something. My friend circle... I hate to say, is boring me a little. Worst of all, it's not even a circle.. it's two groups of close friends who don't get on. Which is also frustrating. One group tend to annoy me a lot.. just little things they do and stuff, it just frustrates me, they are nothing like me so I wonder how on earth we ever became friends.. Then the other group are just like me, yet they seem to have so much more going for them in life - amazing job, loads of guys interested etcetcetc. Which again, annoys me.. because they are so like me yet I have none of those things, and when talking to them I feel like I'm listening to all this stuff that I wish was happening to me but it isn't. Nothing is happening to me, nothing is happening for me. I'm waiting for this big lottery moment where an amazing opportunity or something great happens in my life but really I've been waiting bloody ages. I've been trying to do things to speed it a long and to make something of my time but nothing is happening. I want a job and I can't get one. I want to drive but I can't seem to push the process to make it happen already! I want a solid group of friends who all love each other and who live close.
And then I slap myself in the face....because I sound like a greedy old rascal. I can't say I just hate everything, there is room for improvement in so many places right now that just isn't happening. Ofcourse I love my friends and my boring old family who sleep all the time.. (haha)... I don't know. I think I've hit that awkward teenage stage where my siblings are older and have freedom, and I guess I'm kind of planted next to my parents now, watching my siblings run away freely and I want to do the same. Like, the only chances I get to go out and stuff is with my mum and dad. They are my lifts, they take me places when actually I want to go and drive there and meet people and live myself. And I can't.
euuuuuuuuuuuuugh!!
I am oh so very sorry, I am terribly frustrated this week and really unsettled. I just want something to happen to give me a bit of hope already! All these exciting things seem to be happening to everyone except me..
No comments:
Post a Comment