Talk about long time no see, it has been ages!
I'm not even sure what I have to update you on. I've been reading back on my old posts and cringing and smiling and laughing and feeling a lump in my throat all at the same time. So many worries as a young teen - not stupid ones, but ones I have overcome (I hope!).
It's scary how easily these were resolved because they are "the every day", now I'm faced with big 20 year old problems..!
Keep you posted
ciao :)
Monday, 19 May 2014
Sunday, 31 March 2013
odd and hmmphy so let me release.
Hi y'all :)
I'll just get straight to the point and admit that there are little things eating up my little brain these past few days so I want to release them in an attempt to understand them.
Having said that, I have been ridiculously happy these past few weeks; honestly life is sweet as a bee and I am just loving those around me....most of them...and loving what's going on and enjoying my Easter holidays.
One thing bothering me which I think is the centre to the disaster in my head is weight and I hate to say it because it's ridiculous. I'm beginning to feel obsessed and just plain fucked up to be honest. I apologise for saying that like I did but I have no idea how else to put it. It is literally eating at me twenty four seven (excuse the pun). I believe I have mentioned weight issues on this in the past but surely this is a new level.
I'm not fat. I'm tall and pretty thin. I just know by the scales and the look of me at the moment that I am much bigger than I was a year ago (pre holidays).
The thing I feel is the most irritating is that in my head i know what I need to do to be happy and content about this. Last year's extreme motivation to get toned is absolutely....just...gone completely this time around. Like, I can't do it. That's frustrating. Because I've never WANTED to do it so bad before because I know I need to to be happy.
I feel bigger and I have basically put on a stone since last summer. I know I'm growing and I'm taking the pill and I'm developing with age and genes and all that malarky but I can't really cope with it...I don't want to say I have an eating disorder because I don't but I feel I have almost got a sprig of it - like a mild version of anorexia or something which could develop, no? Could it develop into something completely horrid???
It's all these absolutely skinny "sun kissed" or "sun bedded(!)" people around me using their fancy instagrams and what not and "#eatcleanMarch" and "#healthymonth" ETCCCC that is driving me insane. It is definitely a 2013 phase that has taken over everyone and it's so frustrating because 2012 me could be one of them, but this year I just don't have that same drive and determination because EVERYONE'S doing it so it's just frustrating to me. I get annoyed seeing all these instagrammed gorgeous healthy meals and checking in at the gym and I just want to scream for them to get out of my face, and then go and eat to make me happy. Then look in the mirror after and hate myself for doing it.
I don't understand and it's seriously playing me up to a point where I just don't know what I'm meant to look like. I just want to go to a doctor or something and for them to tell me look.....your height matches your weight. Yes you aren't toned and muscular but you are slim. Now smile and laugh and shut up.
I've checked online - I'm fine for my height, weight wise.
Seriously healthy if not under.
I just can't really feel happy about how I look at the moment because I keep looking at 2012 me and seeing a massive disgusting change thats unbearable. I was so pleased with myself in 2012. I looked so good - I'll just say it. I forced myself to eat less junk and eat more fruit and exercise and it was ENJOYABLE so it was good. This time, it is torture and I don't understand where my motivation has gone. I just want bad food too much.. irritating because I want to do this so badly. I want to get slimmer....
Sorry for the massive rambling I just want to process what I'm feeling really!
It sounds so much worse when down on paper.
I'll keep you posted.
Ciao for now :))))))
xxx
I'll just get straight to the point and admit that there are little things eating up my little brain these past few days so I want to release them in an attempt to understand them.
Having said that, I have been ridiculously happy these past few weeks; honestly life is sweet as a bee and I am just loving those around me....most of them...and loving what's going on and enjoying my Easter holidays.
One thing bothering me which I think is the centre to the disaster in my head is weight and I hate to say it because it's ridiculous. I'm beginning to feel obsessed and just plain fucked up to be honest. I apologise for saying that like I did but I have no idea how else to put it. It is literally eating at me twenty four seven (excuse the pun). I believe I have mentioned weight issues on this in the past but surely this is a new level.
I'm not fat. I'm tall and pretty thin. I just know by the scales and the look of me at the moment that I am much bigger than I was a year ago (pre holidays).
The thing I feel is the most irritating is that in my head i know what I need to do to be happy and content about this. Last year's extreme motivation to get toned is absolutely....just...gone completely this time around. Like, I can't do it. That's frustrating. Because I've never WANTED to do it so bad before because I know I need to to be happy.
I feel bigger and I have basically put on a stone since last summer. I know I'm growing and I'm taking the pill and I'm developing with age and genes and all that malarky but I can't really cope with it...I don't want to say I have an eating disorder because I don't but I feel I have almost got a sprig of it - like a mild version of anorexia or something which could develop, no? Could it develop into something completely horrid???
It's all these absolutely skinny "sun kissed" or "sun bedded(!)" people around me using their fancy instagrams and what not and "#eatcleanMarch" and "#healthymonth" ETCCCC that is driving me insane. It is definitely a 2013 phase that has taken over everyone and it's so frustrating because 2012 me could be one of them, but this year I just don't have that same drive and determination because EVERYONE'S doing it so it's just frustrating to me. I get annoyed seeing all these instagrammed gorgeous healthy meals and checking in at the gym and I just want to scream for them to get out of my face, and then go and eat to make me happy. Then look in the mirror after and hate myself for doing it.
I don't understand and it's seriously playing me up to a point where I just don't know what I'm meant to look like. I just want to go to a doctor or something and for them to tell me look.....your height matches your weight. Yes you aren't toned and muscular but you are slim. Now smile and laugh and shut up.
I've checked online - I'm fine for my height, weight wise.
Seriously healthy if not under.
I just can't really feel happy about how I look at the moment because I keep looking at 2012 me and seeing a massive disgusting change thats unbearable. I was so pleased with myself in 2012. I looked so good - I'll just say it. I forced myself to eat less junk and eat more fruit and exercise and it was ENJOYABLE so it was good. This time, it is torture and I don't understand where my motivation has gone. I just want bad food too much.. irritating because I want to do this so badly. I want to get slimmer....
Sorry for the massive rambling I just want to process what I'm feeling really!
It sounds so much worse when down on paper.
I'll keep you posted.
Ciao for now :))))))
xxx
Wednesday, 23 January 2013
Products I want to try
Hello lovelies!
A very simple little post tonight as it is quite late and I just thought I'd pop a little list of things I wish to try ASAP. If you've tried any, do let me know - recommend? Hate? Comment anywho :)
1. Max Factor 3 in 1 Foundation....
Supposedly full coverage, concealer, primer and foundation all in one. Sounds perfect on paper - but is it?
2. Elnett Heat Protectant Styling spray
Caters for waves, volume or simply protection. Looks fancy.
3. Topshop Nail Polish
I have STILL yet to try these, but the colour selection looks insaaaaane! Exciting.
...
So if any of you lovely readers have tried these products, or even something similar, do let me know. The foundation is most definitely on the top of my To Do list :)
Ciao for now!
xxx
A very simple little post tonight as it is quite late and I just thought I'd pop a little list of things I wish to try ASAP. If you've tried any, do let me know - recommend? Hate? Comment anywho :)
Supposedly full coverage, concealer, primer and foundation all in one. Sounds perfect on paper - but is it?
Caters for waves, volume or simply protection. Looks fancy.
3. Topshop Nail Polish
I have STILL yet to try these, but the colour selection looks insaaaaane! Exciting.
...
So if any of you lovely readers have tried these products, or even something similar, do let me know. The foundation is most definitely on the top of my To Do list :)
Ciao for now!
xxx
Monday, 14 January 2013
Time for a catch up - fancy a cuppa?
Oh hello all...
It has been a ridiculously long time since I have blogged - sincerest apologies! I guess I sort of forgot I even had this. My last post was July if I am correct? It is now January 2013 -hahahaaaa I doubt many of you would have noticed though. (that I haven't posted I mean!)
I hope you are all doing brilliant in 2013 already. What a year 2012 was. I remember the end of 2011 on New Year's Eve - New Year's being a time where I am usually a bit down and depressed with times moving and changing and what not. I remember the end of 2011 with excitement and anticipation though because I can happily say that 2011 was one of THEE dullest and most depressing years I can remember. Just not a good year. So I was anticipating 2012 and my goodness did it live up to the expectations. Truly a brilliant year.
There were hiccups of course, family and friend tragedies and dramas, but 2012 felt like a year of growing up for me. I passed my driving test, I did my A levels, I got into my first choice university (judging by my last posts - I hadn't told you this yet??) I moved out of my home and into University accommodation and met people who I know will be close friends for 2013, I went on my first "friend-without-family" holiday and spent the most of it drunk and loving every second, and I also got my very first proper job. It's when looking at my past posts that I realise throughout the year of 2011 coming into 2012, I was worried about a lot of these things. I can tell by the way I was writing or what I was saying...
I remember posting the worry about my driving test - but I passed it didn't I?
I remember grumbling constantly about independence and being so frustrated and feeling stuck in my house doing nothing with my life - but I was blessed and lucky enough to get my own car and to finally get a job where I could pop out in my car when ever I pleased, drive myself to work etc.
I remember mentioning frustration about guys (haha - very subtly mentioned might I add!) I remember the specific 'male' who was bothering me at the time, the annoyance I felt and of course the confusion - now I can happily laugh and say that that had no effect on my life today whatsoever. Completely pointless worrying over absolutely nothing. And I don't care about still being single because I am meeting a lot of very fun people and getting to know myself as I do so :)
Basically 2012 was a year of growing, maturing, learning about me and forgetting petty things that seem to have consumed almost months of my brain thought and life, when really they mean absolutely nothing to my future.
I'm focused on exams, on work and on continuously being myself and enjoying the perks of this - I've met so many wonderfully diverse people at university whom I know I would never have met otherwise - it truly is a whole different experience far from school years. Funny, I remember my dad telling me that continuously - to go to uni not only for studying to get a good job, but for the experience. He was definitely right. You just don't get it until you go.... it's free or something. No one judges anyone, people are so much more open to personalities and interests in contrast to school where you had to almost force yourself to fit in with the others...so immature now when I think about it!
2013 will never be able to top 2012 but it can carry on from it. 2012 has set me up to be a fantastic person who will continue throughout 2013. 2013 has been unlucky so far - I won't go into detail, but my luck hasn't been very good! However, I'm positive.
Make your year what you want it to be. Don't dwell on little things that appear so much larger because they probably aren't. You might be sitting in 2014 laughing to yourself about how much you let one little thing consume so much thought the year before. Don't let it, learn to look past things and stay as positive as you can no matter how difficult it may be.
And always be yourself. Throw yourself in the deep end and just do. Don't feel pressured into doing things because of others. Do things in the moment even if you'll dwell on or regret them later. Just tell yourself; "at the time, I said in my head that it felt right. So I did it." You're only human - that's normal.
And good luck, enjoy your year and enjoy life.
I know I will.
Ciao for now, :)
xxx
It has been a ridiculously long time since I have blogged - sincerest apologies! I guess I sort of forgot I even had this. My last post was July if I am correct? It is now January 2013 -hahahaaaa I doubt many of you would have noticed though. (that I haven't posted I mean!)
I hope you are all doing brilliant in 2013 already. What a year 2012 was. I remember the end of 2011 on New Year's Eve - New Year's being a time where I am usually a bit down and depressed with times moving and changing and what not. I remember the end of 2011 with excitement and anticipation though because I can happily say that 2011 was one of THEE dullest and most depressing years I can remember. Just not a good year. So I was anticipating 2012 and my goodness did it live up to the expectations. Truly a brilliant year.
There were hiccups of course, family and friend tragedies and dramas, but 2012 felt like a year of growing up for me. I passed my driving test, I did my A levels, I got into my first choice university (judging by my last posts - I hadn't told you this yet??) I moved out of my home and into University accommodation and met people who I know will be close friends for 2013, I went on my first "friend-without-family" holiday and spent the most of it drunk and loving every second, and I also got my very first proper job. It's when looking at my past posts that I realise throughout the year of 2011 coming into 2012, I was worried about a lot of these things. I can tell by the way I was writing or what I was saying...
I remember posting the worry about my driving test - but I passed it didn't I?
I remember grumbling constantly about independence and being so frustrated and feeling stuck in my house doing nothing with my life - but I was blessed and lucky enough to get my own car and to finally get a job where I could pop out in my car when ever I pleased, drive myself to work etc.
I remember mentioning frustration about guys (haha - very subtly mentioned might I add!) I remember the specific 'male' who was bothering me at the time, the annoyance I felt and of course the confusion - now I can happily laugh and say that that had no effect on my life today whatsoever. Completely pointless worrying over absolutely nothing. And I don't care about still being single because I am meeting a lot of very fun people and getting to know myself as I do so :)
Basically 2012 was a year of growing, maturing, learning about me and forgetting petty things that seem to have consumed almost months of my brain thought and life, when really they mean absolutely nothing to my future.
I'm focused on exams, on work and on continuously being myself and enjoying the perks of this - I've met so many wonderfully diverse people at university whom I know I would never have met otherwise - it truly is a whole different experience far from school years. Funny, I remember my dad telling me that continuously - to go to uni not only for studying to get a good job, but for the experience. He was definitely right. You just don't get it until you go.... it's free or something. No one judges anyone, people are so much more open to personalities and interests in contrast to school where you had to almost force yourself to fit in with the others...so immature now when I think about it!
2013 will never be able to top 2012 but it can carry on from it. 2012 has set me up to be a fantastic person who will continue throughout 2013. 2013 has been unlucky so far - I won't go into detail, but my luck hasn't been very good! However, I'm positive.
Make your year what you want it to be. Don't dwell on little things that appear so much larger because they probably aren't. You might be sitting in 2014 laughing to yourself about how much you let one little thing consume so much thought the year before. Don't let it, learn to look past things and stay as positive as you can no matter how difficult it may be.
And always be yourself. Throw yourself in the deep end and just do. Don't feel pressured into doing things because of others. Do things in the moment even if you'll dwell on or regret them later. Just tell yourself; "at the time, I said in my head that it felt right. So I did it." You're only human - that's normal.
And good luck, enjoy your year and enjoy life.
I know I will.
Ciao for now, :)
xxx
Monday, 2 July 2012
Garnier Summer Body Gradual Tan
Hii duckies!
On to my second review of a few to come, a product I've been using for about.... hmm.. roughly a few months? I do like my gradual tan - not the sort of person who would put this on for daily use however! I'm fairly tanned myself, it hasn't been extended to its full natural advantage though, due to crap UK weather!
I use gradual tan for nights out instead of instant fake tan, simply because I hate the mess of instant fake tan and the fact that it can run off in the rain etc. Before this, I used to get the L'Oreal gradual tan, or use my mum's Dove one, but bought this in Boots one day whilst on the phone to my sister who recommended it, plus it was pretty cheap compared to the others, (£3-£5 as opposed to £7-£10).
It's really really great - I love it!
The smell takes a bit to get used to, just fruity apricot/peach... I'm not a great fan of orangey/apricotty/peachy smells if you know what I mean, so this isn't the greatest scent if you're like me! But hey, it beats the usual characteristic 'tan' smell, right?
It goes on really smooth and something I noticed in comparison to the L'Oreal one, was that it dries soooo fast! Brilliant if your slapping it on late before bed for the next day/night out, (something I'm usually doing!)
It goes on very even and smooth, a thin layer goes a long way! (on me anyway, being someone who is pretty warm toned in skin anyway).
Problem - the colour itself. I've got used to it, actually I quite like it. But in comparison to your friends' tans on a night out... hmm you may notice it's a little orange? Personally, I feel that makes it sun kissed and more natural. There's something I detest about the instant tan "brown" sort of colour, orange is more... skin coloured? None of us are chocolate brown unless you are that race.. if you get what I mean? So to me the colour epitomises "sun kissed" - really its very nice, do give it a go and don't be put off by my "orange" statement! :)
Overall, I love it, and will defo repurchase! :)
Ciao for nowwwwwww
xxx
On to my second review of a few to come, a product I've been using for about.... hmm.. roughly a few months? I do like my gradual tan - not the sort of person who would put this on for daily use however! I'm fairly tanned myself, it hasn't been extended to its full natural advantage though, due to crap UK weather!
It's really really great - I love it!
The smell takes a bit to get used to, just fruity apricot/peach... I'm not a great fan of orangey/apricotty/peachy smells if you know what I mean, so this isn't the greatest scent if you're like me! But hey, it beats the usual characteristic 'tan' smell, right?
It goes on really smooth and something I noticed in comparison to the L'Oreal one, was that it dries soooo fast! Brilliant if your slapping it on late before bed for the next day/night out, (something I'm usually doing!)
It goes on very even and smooth, a thin layer goes a long way! (on me anyway, being someone who is pretty warm toned in skin anyway).
Problem - the colour itself. I've got used to it, actually I quite like it. But in comparison to your friends' tans on a night out... hmm you may notice it's a little orange? Personally, I feel that makes it sun kissed and more natural. There's something I detest about the instant tan "brown" sort of colour, orange is more... skin coloured? None of us are chocolate brown unless you are that race.. if you get what I mean? So to me the colour epitomises "sun kissed" - really its very nice, do give it a go and don't be put off by my "orange" statement! :)
Overall, I love it, and will defo repurchase! :)
Ciao for nowwwwwww
xxx
Friday, 15 June 2012
Smashbox Photo Finish Primer
A review? Double take here - I am doing a....REVIEW?!At long last I have become inspired, and utterly utterly bored due to crazy ass rain outside. So yes lovelies, back on to my reviews, and I am excited!
Here we go, products that have been tried and tested by yours truly :)
This stuff is a daily use for me; primer's are bases for foundation (simpleton!). Before this.. I think I may have mentioned or reviewed my previous primer? It's been that long since I've used it I can't even remember it's specific name! It was from the L'Oreal range though, and was clear and mattifying :) Weeellllll pretty ladies it is long gone. This smashbox one is incredible. I started using it after my mummy bought me it (thanks lovely!) to give it a go, she was all.. the usual.. "the girl at the counter recommended it for young skin!! she said it's brilliant!!" and I was all "Mum, you say that for everything you buy me......" ugh. I thought, this stuff is expensive so I doubt I'll buy it again. It took a while to get used to because the texture is so different from my L'Oreal one which actually feels greasier despite it's "Mattifying" claims. It was only after a month or so using smashbox, when I returned to my L'Oreal on a spur of the moment day, that I reeeeeallly noticed the difference and it was huge! L'Oreal just felt so odd and greasy and strange compared to this. This dries faster, smooths amazingly and really keeps my makeup smooth and matte for much longer than L'oreal or without any primer (having said that, ofcourse I still go shiny because I have the oiliest face EVER).
Overall a brilliant product and sadly I feel I will be forced to repurchase this because it's so awesome. A little goes a long way though, so I feel it's worth its price :)
(price is around £20-£24 I believe, dear for makeup in my opinion, coming from a drugstore cosmetic buyer! ;) )
and VOILA! There it is. :)
If you've tried this or are interested in trying, please let me know I'd love to hear what you think of it :)
MORE REVIEWS TO COME!! (promise)
Ciao for Now little beauties.......xxx
Here we go, products that have been tried and tested by yours truly :)
Smashbox Photo Finish Primer
Overall a brilliant product and sadly I feel I will be forced to repurchase this because it's so awesome. A little goes a long way though, so I feel it's worth its price :)
(price is around £20-£24 I believe, dear for makeup in my opinion, coming from a drugstore cosmetic buyer! ;) )
and VOILA! There it is. :)
If you've tried this or are interested in trying, please let me know I'd love to hear what you think of it :)
MORE REVIEWS TO COME!! (promise)
Ciao for Now little beauties.......xxx
Saturday, 2 June 2012
Sweetening my mood a little :)
Hi everyone!
I'll start by... hmm apologising? For my last post! Well not really apologizing, because I needed to process what I was feeling somewhere! But just posting now to say that my mood has sweetened :) I am most definitely not in that bad mindset anymore!
How are you all? Hope you've been enjoying the lovely heat wave we had recently! It's sort of over now isn't it? Sadddd times!
MY SUMMER HAS JUST BEGUN!!! :):):)
So feeling very pleased and free, despite the decline in weather... bad times!
Hopefully will be going out lots and lots to celebrate :) Had a brilliant night with the girls earlier in the week and it was such an excellent way to start summer! So good :D
Enjoy your weekend lovelies! Keep me updated on Summer event ideas :)
Ciao for now lovelies!!
x x x
I'll start by... hmm apologising? For my last post! Well not really apologizing, because I needed to process what I was feeling somewhere! But just posting now to say that my mood has sweetened :) I am most definitely not in that bad mindset anymore!
How are you all? Hope you've been enjoying the lovely heat wave we had recently! It's sort of over now isn't it? Sadddd times!
MY SUMMER HAS JUST BEGUN!!! :):):)
So feeling very pleased and free, despite the decline in weather... bad times!
Hopefully will be going out lots and lots to celebrate :) Had a brilliant night with the girls earlier in the week and it was such an excellent way to start summer! So good :D
Enjoy your weekend lovelies! Keep me updated on Summer event ideas :)
Ciao for now lovelies!!
x x x
Friday, 18 May 2012
when you really don't know what to do.
Hi everyone :)
Hope you're all doing lovely. Just sitting up in bed with my fairy lights and candles burning ... was trying to learn some info for my exam next week as today I utterly utterly failed! (once again, I'm finding it awfully hard to get motivated).
Thing is, these exams really matter, and I think it's the stress and worry that's actually preventing me from being able to revise. I seem to have got it into my head that there is no time - like really, in facts, it is impossible for me to sufficiently learn the information enough in the time I have. Impossible. You can't do it, so why even bother? Why stress yourself out and work your ass off when in the end you will fail and somehow that will be worse. I always feel as though if I do a slightly crap exam, but I can say to myself, 'well you didn't work for it did you?' - it makes me feel better. There is something so frustrating and horribly sad when you have genuinely been so motivated and put your ass into work only to come out with failure. That's how I'm feeling right now. These are so important but I feel it is physically impossible at this stage in time to do well. It's too late. So now I just feel helpless.
I'm not saying I didn't work, because I have. All year round I really have. Making notes, keeping up to date - I am most definitely not a crammer. It's just the work itself seems so much harder than I've ever challenged before and I am overwhelmed to be honest.. yes I have loads of lovely done out notes but the information itself is impossible to me.
I've done 2 exams already (YAY slowly getting there) and well to be honest they were supposed to be my easiest - my passion, what I'm good at, what I did so much work for. Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, they went awful. In the moment I just managed to mess up both papers so badly. Was it nerves or stupidity I don't know. I think that's what's really thrown me. I just want to rewind time and start over because I really think if I had got off to a better start, I would be in a much better position right now....
I don't know. I don't feel like myself and I hate myself these days. Hate my life these days hate my mindset, everything is just really, really getting me down. I can assure you guys I am clean minded and healthy!!!! Don't go panicking that I'm going to do anything manic or tragic because I won't - honest :)
Just bla. I don't know who to talk to or how to register or articulate what I'm feeling. Never have I ever got so messed up in the mind about exams .. it's scaring me! Throwing me off course big time!
Hope any of you guys aren't feeling the same... it's horrible. Please comment if you are!! :)
GOOD LUCK for you exams, and hopefully my next post will be a jovial one celebrating the beginning of my Summer :) I cannot wait
Ciao for now :)
(no copyright intended :))
xxx
Hope you're all doing lovely. Just sitting up in bed with my fairy lights and candles burning ... was trying to learn some info for my exam next week as today I utterly utterly failed! (once again, I'm finding it awfully hard to get motivated).
Thing is, these exams really matter, and I think it's the stress and worry that's actually preventing me from being able to revise. I seem to have got it into my head that there is no time - like really, in facts, it is impossible for me to sufficiently learn the information enough in the time I have. Impossible. You can't do it, so why even bother? Why stress yourself out and work your ass off when in the end you will fail and somehow that will be worse. I always feel as though if I do a slightly crap exam, but I can say to myself, 'well you didn't work for it did you?' - it makes me feel better. There is something so frustrating and horribly sad when you have genuinely been so motivated and put your ass into work only to come out with failure. That's how I'm feeling right now. These are so important but I feel it is physically impossible at this stage in time to do well. It's too late. So now I just feel helpless.
I'm not saying I didn't work, because I have. All year round I really have. Making notes, keeping up to date - I am most definitely not a crammer. It's just the work itself seems so much harder than I've ever challenged before and I am overwhelmed to be honest.. yes I have loads of lovely done out notes but the information itself is impossible to me.
I've done 2 exams already (YAY slowly getting there) and well to be honest they were supposed to be my easiest - my passion, what I'm good at, what I did so much work for. Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, they went awful. In the moment I just managed to mess up both papers so badly. Was it nerves or stupidity I don't know. I think that's what's really thrown me. I just want to rewind time and start over because I really think if I had got off to a better start, I would be in a much better position right now....
I don't know. I don't feel like myself and I hate myself these days. Hate my life these days hate my mindset, everything is just really, really getting me down. I can assure you guys I am clean minded and healthy!!!! Don't go panicking that I'm going to do anything manic or tragic because I won't - honest :)
Just bla. I don't know who to talk to or how to register or articulate what I'm feeling. Never have I ever got so messed up in the mind about exams .. it's scaring me! Throwing me off course big time!
Hope any of you guys aren't feeling the same... it's horrible. Please comment if you are!! :)
GOOD LUCK for you exams, and hopefully my next post will be a jovial one celebrating the beginning of my Summer :) I cannot wait
Ciao for now :)
xxx
Saturday, 5 May 2012
Wow, new look?
Hiiiiii guys!
How are you all? So I've just signed into blogspot and holy moly, it's all changed?! This reminds me of the twitter/facebook changes except they were much easier to grasp - I am oh so very confused so give me some time to get settled!
Hope you are all doing well, once again I am typing a blabbery post (no WAY?!). Exam stress has hit, it's that time of year sadly. Everyone's out partying tonight but really I'm a little bit too worried seeing as my first exam is in 9 days...... if I party now, I won't be able to stop ! So best if I just keep my head down, yes? I hope it's all worth it :)
So looking forward to summer. How strange as I remember writing on this last Summer being excited, but how things were so different!! Brilliant as I can drive this summer and have an extra month off (yesss!) ahhhh just gushing over it, I really cannot wait! Holiday with all my friends as well to send us off from school :) Getting older guys it's so weird! University excitement and everything ahh!
Keep well & Keep reading & Thanks for visiting as always, means oh so very much :)
"CIAO FOR NOW!!!"
x x x
How are you all? So I've just signed into blogspot and holy moly, it's all changed?! This reminds me of the twitter/facebook changes except they were much easier to grasp - I am oh so very confused so give me some time to get settled!
Hope you are all doing well, once again I am typing a blabbery post (no WAY?!). Exam stress has hit, it's that time of year sadly. Everyone's out partying tonight but really I'm a little bit too worried seeing as my first exam is in 9 days...... if I party now, I won't be able to stop ! So best if I just keep my head down, yes? I hope it's all worth it :)
So looking forward to summer. How strange as I remember writing on this last Summer being excited, but how things were so different!! Brilliant as I can drive this summer and have an extra month off (yesss!) ahhhh just gushing over it, I really cannot wait! Holiday with all my friends as well to send us off from school :) Getting older guys it's so weird! University excitement and everything ahh!
Keep well & Keep reading & Thanks for visiting as always, means oh so very much :)
"CIAO FOR NOW!!!"
x x x
Sunday, 25 March 2012
Frustration is an understatement.
'Ello 'ello 'ello!
What even was that? I have no idea. How are all you lovely readers? I realise I am being a complete and utter bore-more again as I am aware I have previously promised some beauty posts, with the smashbox photo finish primer being tops on that list, but once again I am lacking in motivation and inspiration in that department. Sooo.. thought I'd just come on and vent my feelings to you all once again. I will give you some time now to exit this blog...... bahaha :)
I am frustrated. (NOT IN THAT WAY..LOL). Ugh I just don't even know. You will be aware that I passed my driving test (yay) but, well, just nothing. I am insured on my brother's car and am free to drive it as he is highly generous and giving me a lend of it when ever I please. I have drove probably like.. 7 miles total in the past 2 weeks, with a sibling or parent accompanying me and I can assure you each trip was far from smooth!! I don't know what's wrong with me. I am genuinely afraid to drive alone. Genuinely. It's not even fear or anything, I'm not afraid of crashing or doing things wrong because let's face it, I passed - I did something right obviously! And it wasn't even a flooky pass - I know people who got like 14 minors and passed. I GOT 5. So I did okay, If I do say so myself...
However, I can't seem to place my finger on the problem. My brother is away now all week, his car is literally sitting outside vacant. He chose to get a train up to the city this week for work etc. so he's staying there. He asked me to take him to the train station and I wanted to........but I said no. Why? Because dropping him to the station meant that I would have to endure the journey back to my house - alone. AND THAT THOUGHT JUST SENT MY HEART RACING.
It just serious lack of confidence or something. I thought, hey, once I pass I'll have a few driving trips with my dad just to adjust, then I'll be a free little flower and get used to it alone. But.. it's like I can't even drive with family. I can. I just don't want to. I'll be honest, I sort of hate it? I don't feel like they're judging me or anything because they're quite the opposite - awfully supportive and saying I'm doing "brilliant, for not being in a car since 2 months of passing! WELL DONE" etcetcetc. I just can't relax. I'm not even concentrating on the road, I'm concentrating on making their journey a pleasure. To try and chat and look like I'm in control when the whole time I am literally shitting my pants. (bahahaha sorry. You understand though...). They're my family for heavens sake, why am I such a nervous state???
I feel like I need to just do one trip by myself and just be myself in the car and learn how to work it and get used to it. (my brother's car is pretty old and difficult compared to the brand new smooth running diesel number I did my lessons in!) It's been an absolutely beautiful day and is now a beautiful evening and I'd absolutely love to take a trip into town and practice the journey alone so maybe, just maybe, I could take myself into school tomorrow and that would just enlighten my confidence to a whole new level. Just can't picture me doing it though. Half imagining driving into town and then getting stuck or enduring some sort of problem and having to do the call of shame to my family.. like, yeah er... come and get me, sorry I rushed off so fast like "look at me I'm so confident" when really, I STILL NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE!!
I really don't know. I've passed. I did good. Why can't I keep up that confidence or believe in myself? This is something I've wanted for so long and it's finally here and I finally have a vehicle I can take for spins but I just can't bring myself to do it... I don't want to be one of those people who just doesn't drive... I feel as though I shouldn't have passed or something because I'm genuinely not that good.....
Anyone on the same boat? Some loving advice would be welcomed this way :)
Hope you are all doing well and I promise promise promise I will start beauty blogging and what not in the very near future! Also lots of exam things going on at the mo but I promise I will find the time :)
Thanks for reading as usual you wonderful little lambs!
Ciao for now :)
xxx
What even was that? I have no idea. How are all you lovely readers? I realise I am being a complete and utter bore-more again as I am aware I have previously promised some beauty posts, with the smashbox photo finish primer being tops on that list, but once again I am lacking in motivation and inspiration in that department. Sooo.. thought I'd just come on and vent my feelings to you all once again. I will give you some time now to exit this blog...... bahaha :)
I am frustrated. (NOT IN THAT WAY..LOL). Ugh I just don't even know. You will be aware that I passed my driving test (yay) but, well, just nothing. I am insured on my brother's car and am free to drive it as he is highly generous and giving me a lend of it when ever I please. I have drove probably like.. 7 miles total in the past 2 weeks, with a sibling or parent accompanying me and I can assure you each trip was far from smooth!! I don't know what's wrong with me. I am genuinely afraid to drive alone. Genuinely. It's not even fear or anything, I'm not afraid of crashing or doing things wrong because let's face it, I passed - I did something right obviously! And it wasn't even a flooky pass - I know people who got like 14 minors and passed. I GOT 5. So I did okay, If I do say so myself...
However, I can't seem to place my finger on the problem. My brother is away now all week, his car is literally sitting outside vacant. He chose to get a train up to the city this week for work etc. so he's staying there. He asked me to take him to the train station and I wanted to........but I said no. Why? Because dropping him to the station meant that I would have to endure the journey back to my house - alone. AND THAT THOUGHT JUST SENT MY HEART RACING.
It just serious lack of confidence or something. I thought, hey, once I pass I'll have a few driving trips with my dad just to adjust, then I'll be a free little flower and get used to it alone. But.. it's like I can't even drive with family. I can. I just don't want to. I'll be honest, I sort of hate it? I don't feel like they're judging me or anything because they're quite the opposite - awfully supportive and saying I'm doing "brilliant, for not being in a car since 2 months of passing! WELL DONE" etcetcetc. I just can't relax. I'm not even concentrating on the road, I'm concentrating on making their journey a pleasure. To try and chat and look like I'm in control when the whole time I am literally shitting my pants. (bahahaha sorry. You understand though...). They're my family for heavens sake, why am I such a nervous state???
I feel like I need to just do one trip by myself and just be myself in the car and learn how to work it and get used to it. (my brother's car is pretty old and difficult compared to the brand new smooth running diesel number I did my lessons in!) It's been an absolutely beautiful day and is now a beautiful evening and I'd absolutely love to take a trip into town and practice the journey alone so maybe, just maybe, I could take myself into school tomorrow and that would just enlighten my confidence to a whole new level. Just can't picture me doing it though. Half imagining driving into town and then getting stuck or enduring some sort of problem and having to do the call of shame to my family.. like, yeah er... come and get me, sorry I rushed off so fast like "look at me I'm so confident" when really, I STILL NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE!!
I really don't know. I've passed. I did good. Why can't I keep up that confidence or believe in myself? This is something I've wanted for so long and it's finally here and I finally have a vehicle I can take for spins but I just can't bring myself to do it... I don't want to be one of those people who just doesn't drive... I feel as though I shouldn't have passed or something because I'm genuinely not that good.....
Anyone on the same boat? Some loving advice would be welcomed this way :)
Hope you are all doing well and I promise promise promise I will start beauty blogging and what not in the very near future! Also lots of exam things going on at the mo but I promise I will find the time :)
Thanks for reading as usual you wonderful little lambs!
Ciao for now :)
xxx
Tuesday, 28 February 2012
Promises & Reminiscing lalala
Hi everyone Hello Hello Hello! How long has it been now? Probably a very long time - deepest apologies once again! Although you don't understand how pleased I am when I come on to this and see that my views are still rising, thank you all ever so much for stopping by, means a lot :)
Annoying as I keep posting these "Where have I been? What have I been doing?" posts.. when really I should just get into the darn thing and post something more...exciting?
So I will make a promise, that i have a review coming up for Smashbox Photo Finish Primer as I got it for Christmas (yes Christmas.. yes I am doing a review in March time for something I got at Christmas.... what have I become???!!!) I really love it, I'd love to hear from anyone whos tried it :) I will get on that ASAP! Need to charge up my camera and get the old blog dusted from its dusty idleness!!!
What else? Oh yeah I sort of passed my driving test....
...
...
..... Hahahahaha YES I did indeeed!!!!!! So very very pleased and chuffed and absolutely shocked to the brim - thought I had failed it when we got back to the centre but oh no! I did it!! Next on the agenda - a job. If I can tick off driving on the to do list, then I can get a job :) New found confidence and independence guys, it is rather brilliant :):):)
Emmmmmm.... yeah exams and all of that boring malarky. It's that time again. I promise I will get some bloggy posts posted but then I am afraid I have to retire back to my desk once again and become a recluse, eating and revising like the good old days.. This is my last shot to turn this in my favour, university - here I come!
(That sounded so weird..)
Anyway, I love y'all and appreciate your visitation :) Keep on reading and comment and do what ever you fancy really! Enjoy the rest of your Febbers and bring on Spring time March!
Ciao for now lovely lambs
:)
xxx
Annoying as I keep posting these "Where have I been? What have I been doing?" posts.. when really I should just get into the darn thing and post something more...exciting?
So I will make a promise, that i have a review coming up for Smashbox Photo Finish Primer as I got it for Christmas (yes Christmas.. yes I am doing a review in March time for something I got at Christmas.... what have I become???!!!) I really love it, I'd love to hear from anyone whos tried it :) I will get on that ASAP! Need to charge up my camera and get the old blog dusted from its dusty idleness!!!
What else? Oh yeah I sort of passed my driving test....
...
...
..... Hahahahaha YES I did indeeed!!!!!! So very very pleased and chuffed and absolutely shocked to the brim - thought I had failed it when we got back to the centre but oh no! I did it!! Next on the agenda - a job. If I can tick off driving on the to do list, then I can get a job :) New found confidence and independence guys, it is rather brilliant :):):)
Emmmmmm.... yeah exams and all of that boring malarky. It's that time again. I promise I will get some bloggy posts posted but then I am afraid I have to retire back to my desk once again and become a recluse, eating and revising like the good old days.. This is my last shot to turn this in my favour, university - here I come!
(That sounded so weird..)
Anyway, I love y'all and appreciate your visitation :) Keep on reading and comment and do what ever you fancy really! Enjoy the rest of your Febbers and bring on Spring time March!
Ciao for now lovely lambs
:)
xxx
Saturday, 28 January 2012
Put your hands in the air! For Freedom!
Bonjour lovey doveys how are you all?
Maaaaaajor quick post here (nothing new there?) just to say Hiiiiii and how are you and an update - officially examination free (until May) AHHHYESSSS! Freedom feels amazing! Had a lovely lie in this morning and sat about just enjoying relaxation time! No stress, no sitting at a desk all day eating crappy food and getting a sore head, just chilling - it was wonderfully simple :)
Hope your exams went/or are going well! Keep up the hard work, it's a great relief when it's all done :)
Good luck for your results and have a wonderful mini break in February - happy valentines and what not! :)
AU REVOIR!!!!
(for now!) :)
x x x
Maaaaaajor quick post here (nothing new there?) just to say Hiiiiii and how are you and an update - officially examination free (until May) AHHHYESSSS! Freedom feels amazing! Had a lovely lie in this morning and sat about just enjoying relaxation time! No stress, no sitting at a desk all day eating crappy food and getting a sore head, just chilling - it was wonderfully simple :)
Hope your exams went/or are going well! Keep up the hard work, it's a great relief when it's all done :)
Good luck for your results and have a wonderful mini break in February - happy valentines and what not! :)
AU REVOIR!!!!
(for now!) :)
x x x
Monday, 16 January 2012
Aloha Homies!
Quick Howdy do da from me this fine evening!
Had a big old exam today (yucky yuck) although I may be feeling a tad confident about it...I'm really unsure! Only time will tell! Hope I've got the grade deserved.. not going to lie.. I put a good lot of work into that! I'm just very happy it's over and done with for now :) Just one more to go!
How are you all? Hope your exams or assignments or whatever you guys are doing are going all swell and well! Keep going and there will be a light at the end of the tunnel - atleast if you work as hard as you can and cover as much work as possible, you can give yourself a pat on the back in the end, even if the result isn't so great, you did your best :)
Good luck in this stressful exam season!!
and have a wonderful January! (ewwww haha I hate January!!)
AU REVOIR!
ADIOS!
CIAO FOR NOW :)
x x x
Had a big old exam today (yucky yuck) although I may be feeling a tad confident about it...I'm really unsure! Only time will tell! Hope I've got the grade deserved.. not going to lie.. I put a good lot of work into that! I'm just very happy it's over and done with for now :) Just one more to go!
How are you all? Hope your exams or assignments or whatever you guys are doing are going all swell and well! Keep going and there will be a light at the end of the tunnel - atleast if you work as hard as you can and cover as much work as possible, you can give yourself a pat on the back in the end, even if the result isn't so great, you did your best :)
Good luck in this stressful exam season!!
and have a wonderful January! (ewwww haha I hate January!!)
AU REVOIR!
ADIOS!
CIAO FOR NOW :)
x x x
Friday, 6 January 2012
Barble Barble, DEEP DEEP DEEP!!
Hello lovely lovely readers :)
I'll get straight to the point, it's 12.05am and I'm just about to hit the sack, although for some strange reason I felt like blogging. Hmf, who knows what you'll get in this post then?! How exciting/worrying all the same!!
I hope you are all doing fabbylossa! I am quite cheery myself which is strange as I'm going through a rather stressful month - exams my dears, EXAMS!! the dreaded word. It's pretty bad, I have a hell-of-a-lot to be doing, all in the same subject, so many topics. Curse you A-levels for destroying my 2012 already! But on the plus side, I don't much mind 2012 so far, it's been rather jolly...!
Happy New Year guys, how's your 2012 going? For me, it's like it could be anything better than what has past. Gosh how I hated 2011. It was just a pretty awful year for me. There was school stress, major friendship break ups at the beginning, family death, an almost death with a friend who luckily escaped, and an ongoing illness which we heard had become worse. So much negativity I do apologise! Although summer 2011 was absolutely fantastic, one of my most favourite summers. No holiday or anything, just an absolutely amazing time with close friends and going out and having just.. laughs! Freedom! Another crappy thing about 2011 - the stresses of driving too began! It was just a very stressful and emotional year for me, one I did not enjoy and was quite happy to see the back of :)
2012 started a bit dull, New years eve on the razzle started a little crappy, just in general a night out not going so great but my goodness how we turned it around! Shows all you need is some drinks, a dance floor and amazing friends who can brighten up any situation and it was incredible!! Lovely way to begin my year :)
The stressful driving continues sadly, but I would like to gladly announce I AM ALMOST THERE!!! Seems so strange, I remember the exact day when I was in my living room on my laptop and was in the mood for a random blog. I remember typing about driving (then I hadn't started) ... I could go and find the post now and read it and juggle my memory! I can't remember what I titled it exactly... anyways, I was talking about how I hoped to start driving, how I was determined to do it, how in the back of my head it was something so many people around me, my age especially, were doing and I'd be so annoyed if I didn't give it a go! I had to do it now or it would never happen. Although, writing that post, I had it in the back of my head that I wouldn't do it. Ofcourse I wouldn't. I wouldn't ring the instructor - I don't do things like that. I don't have a job, I'm pretty awkward socially, (not in a totally rare bear way haha, just I don't... do things?). Well it's just strange that's all, that I've done it I mean. Might seem so ridiculous to many of you but that's a pretty big deal for me and I am awfully proud of myself for... conquering it we can say! (sounds fancy and cool! haha)
Ofcourse, I haven't yet passed, that will be the ultimate cherry on the cake of amazingness! It has been booked though, I'll keep my mouth zipped on the date information! GOOD LUCK TO MEEEE!
I'm very lucky you know, it's pretty incredible when you sort of just realise. How lucky you are I mean. When it sort of just settles on you or something. It happened to me on christmas day (it was the night time, probs like 9-10pm?) and we were all on the sofa, well they all were, my siblings that is, and their partners! and I was across the room in an arm chair. We were all watching a film and it was dark and the fire was burning and there were wine glasses resting on the table, crumbs scattered on the rug and blankets strewn around their legs and my legs too on the separate arm chair. It was just cosy. And I'd be watching the movie but then I just looked over at them, I don't know why or what particular moment but I just looked at them. It was the strangest moment guys.. I can't even describe it. I sort of wanted to cry or something. I just watched them and their faces changing and mouths twitching and eyes blinking and legs fidgeting, just watching the film. But strange thoughts went through my mind, something along the lines of... what will I be doing on this exact time, christmas day, next year? And the year after? and 10 years after that? and if I'm with my new very own family will I tell them about my past Christmases? And will I remember this moment? Or won't I? And I sort of forced myself to remember it. It was so strange, I felt so sad at the possibility that I could forget it... So I just stared at them and sort of took a mental picture in my mind, just of how lovely and comfortable and safe and loving the moment was. I hope I remember that and do tell people of it.. ahh it was surreal I can't explain.
Christmas was incredible too. Wasn't one of those exciting gift sort of Christmases - I didn't get the classic "gadget" gift of a new phone, or a Wii, or a kindle or a camera. I just got so many lovely things in a bag that just epitomised me :) I love when you get lots of gifts that are made for you, like as though when the person was looking for your present and spotted the gift they said "yes, that has to be it! It's just so...her!" - it is lovely.
And Christmas flew in, there wasn't the big run up to it, I wasn't excited or didn't even feel as though I was in the season. Next thing KABAAAAMMMMER it was on us so fast! Somehow that made it more enjoyable :) No disappointment because there was no expectation.
I can honestly say I'm pretty happy at the moment. Right now and just around this time. I stressed to crap you guys you have no idea!! haha, but yeah, hm, I'm content too :) I am surrounded by lovely people and am blessed with so many opportunities and options. There's so many things I still want and feel I need when obviously I don't but it kind of makes me feel humble to put them at the back of my mind and be working on revision and voluntarily putting myself in the environment of study and what not. I thoroughly hope I can do myself proud - no kidding!! I can only imagine the feeling at summer when I get my results and can take a sigh of relief like "yes, you are officially going to the university you have pictured yourself at for as long as you can remember!" it will be.... incredible really...!
But how scary it is too to leave my routine that I've been cosied in for 7 years, 7 years at
grammar school in the same uniform everyday the same thing the same people the same rooms the same path. It will be so odd. So scary the idea of meeting new people and starting afresh - I plan to be absolutely 100% myself but it's not that I never was, I just kind of....fail to let my 100% come out until about a good month of meeting someone. I just want to throw it out there and be noticed and remembered and recognised :) instead of sort of fading in the background for a good few months due to shyness, and then going out there, and it sort of being too late, if you know what I mean..
What.. what even was that!! Ha ha, ahh anyways, it's late and I've gone all deep and I hope this doesn't affect my sleep.. I AM A VERY TIRED LADY!!
Throw me a comment if you are reading :) I would love to thank you and meet you!
Thanks again lovely people for sticking with me,
Ciao for now ;)
x x x
I'll get straight to the point, it's 12.05am and I'm just about to hit the sack, although for some strange reason I felt like blogging. Hmf, who knows what you'll get in this post then?! How exciting/worrying all the same!!
I hope you are all doing fabbylossa! I am quite cheery myself which is strange as I'm going through a rather stressful month - exams my dears, EXAMS!! the dreaded word. It's pretty bad, I have a hell-of-a-lot to be doing, all in the same subject, so many topics. Curse you A-levels for destroying my 2012 already! But on the plus side, I don't much mind 2012 so far, it's been rather jolly...!
Happy New Year guys, how's your 2012 going? For me, it's like it could be anything better than what has past. Gosh how I hated 2011. It was just a pretty awful year for me. There was school stress, major friendship break ups at the beginning, family death, an almost death with a friend who luckily escaped, and an ongoing illness which we heard had become worse. So much negativity I do apologise! Although summer 2011 was absolutely fantastic, one of my most favourite summers. No holiday or anything, just an absolutely amazing time with close friends and going out and having just.. laughs! Freedom! Another crappy thing about 2011 - the stresses of driving too began! It was just a very stressful and emotional year for me, one I did not enjoy and was quite happy to see the back of :)
2012 started a bit dull, New years eve on the razzle started a little crappy, just in general a night out not going so great but my goodness how we turned it around! Shows all you need is some drinks, a dance floor and amazing friends who can brighten up any situation and it was incredible!! Lovely way to begin my year :)
The stressful driving continues sadly, but I would like to gladly announce I AM ALMOST THERE!!! Seems so strange, I remember the exact day when I was in my living room on my laptop and was in the mood for a random blog. I remember typing about driving (then I hadn't started) ... I could go and find the post now and read it and juggle my memory! I can't remember what I titled it exactly... anyways, I was talking about how I hoped to start driving, how I was determined to do it, how in the back of my head it was something so many people around me, my age especially, were doing and I'd be so annoyed if I didn't give it a go! I had to do it now or it would never happen. Although, writing that post, I had it in the back of my head that I wouldn't do it. Ofcourse I wouldn't. I wouldn't ring the instructor - I don't do things like that. I don't have a job, I'm pretty awkward socially, (not in a totally rare bear way haha, just I don't... do things?). Well it's just strange that's all, that I've done it I mean. Might seem so ridiculous to many of you but that's a pretty big deal for me and I am awfully proud of myself for... conquering it we can say! (sounds fancy and cool! haha)
Ofcourse, I haven't yet passed, that will be the ultimate cherry on the cake of amazingness! It has been booked though, I'll keep my mouth zipped on the date information! GOOD LUCK TO MEEEE!
I'm very lucky you know, it's pretty incredible when you sort of just realise. How lucky you are I mean. When it sort of just settles on you or something. It happened to me on christmas day (it was the night time, probs like 9-10pm?) and we were all on the sofa, well they all were, my siblings that is, and their partners! and I was across the room in an arm chair. We were all watching a film and it was dark and the fire was burning and there were wine glasses resting on the table, crumbs scattered on the rug and blankets strewn around their legs and my legs too on the separate arm chair. It was just cosy. And I'd be watching the movie but then I just looked over at them, I don't know why or what particular moment but I just looked at them. It was the strangest moment guys.. I can't even describe it. I sort of wanted to cry or something. I just watched them and their faces changing and mouths twitching and eyes blinking and legs fidgeting, just watching the film. But strange thoughts went through my mind, something along the lines of... what will I be doing on this exact time, christmas day, next year? And the year after? and 10 years after that? and if I'm with my new very own family will I tell them about my past Christmases? And will I remember this moment? Or won't I? And I sort of forced myself to remember it. It was so strange, I felt so sad at the possibility that I could forget it... So I just stared at them and sort of took a mental picture in my mind, just of how lovely and comfortable and safe and loving the moment was. I hope I remember that and do tell people of it.. ahh it was surreal I can't explain.
Christmas was incredible too. Wasn't one of those exciting gift sort of Christmases - I didn't get the classic "gadget" gift of a new phone, or a Wii, or a kindle or a camera. I just got so many lovely things in a bag that just epitomised me :) I love when you get lots of gifts that are made for you, like as though when the person was looking for your present and spotted the gift they said "yes, that has to be it! It's just so...her!" - it is lovely.
And Christmas flew in, there wasn't the big run up to it, I wasn't excited or didn't even feel as though I was in the season. Next thing KABAAAAMMMMER it was on us so fast! Somehow that made it more enjoyable :) No disappointment because there was no expectation.
I can honestly say I'm pretty happy at the moment. Right now and just around this time. I stressed to crap you guys you have no idea!! haha, but yeah, hm, I'm content too :) I am surrounded by lovely people and am blessed with so many opportunities and options. There's so many things I still want and feel I need when obviously I don't but it kind of makes me feel humble to put them at the back of my mind and be working on revision and voluntarily putting myself in the environment of study and what not. I thoroughly hope I can do myself proud - no kidding!! I can only imagine the feeling at summer when I get my results and can take a sigh of relief like "yes, you are officially going to the university you have pictured yourself at for as long as you can remember!" it will be.... incredible really...!
But how scary it is too to leave my routine that I've been cosied in for 7 years, 7 years at
grammar school in the same uniform everyday the same thing the same people the same rooms the same path. It will be so odd. So scary the idea of meeting new people and starting afresh - I plan to be absolutely 100% myself but it's not that I never was, I just kind of....fail to let my 100% come out until about a good month of meeting someone. I just want to throw it out there and be noticed and remembered and recognised :) instead of sort of fading in the background for a good few months due to shyness, and then going out there, and it sort of being too late, if you know what I mean..
What.. what even was that!! Ha ha, ahh anyways, it's late and I've gone all deep and I hope this doesn't affect my sleep.. I AM A VERY TIRED LADY!!
Throw me a comment if you are reading :) I would love to thank you and meet you!
Thanks again lovely people for sticking with me,
Ciao for now ;)
x x x
Wednesday, 28 December 2011
I'M GONNA MARRRRYYYYY THE NIIIGHHHHTTTT!
The niiiiight
the niiiight
wow wow wow
the niiiight
the niiiiight
the niiiiiiight wwowowowow
the niiiight the niiiiiiiight the niiiight the niiiiight the niiiiiiight THE NIIIIIGHHHTTTTT!
Wow. Breathe,
Currently just belting Lady Gaga in a house by myself. I'M FEELING A BIT MISERABLE AND NOT MYSELF! So thought this would help. Yes in fact - it has been proven (by me just now..?) that yes it works. Sing songs out loud that remind you of nothing and it feels FAB!!
I'm miserable these days, not really myself, not sure why?
Well I am sure I think, just don't want to say.
I'm stressed with schooool, and there is a constant little... person or something in my head tick tick ticking there all the flipping time and I can't get rid of them! Driving me nuts! How do you just forget people?? Seriously it's killing me
But yeah, hope all of you are well! I'm just waiting on a chinese to be delivered, it's awfully windy outside and I just had a terrible driving lesson. All is looking swell. NOT! haha, less of the depression, now pumping Rihanna Talk that Talk, please.. join me! :)
Thanks for sticking with me lovelies and keep on reading! I will be back to scratch, I promise. I like blogging too much :)
Ciao for now lovely people!!
xxx
the niiiight
wow wow wow
the niiiight
the niiiiight
the niiiiiiight wwowowowow
the niiiight the niiiiiiiight the niiiight the niiiiight the niiiiiiight THE NIIIIIGHHHTTTTT!
Wow. Breathe,
Currently just belting Lady Gaga in a house by myself. I'M FEELING A BIT MISERABLE AND NOT MYSELF! So thought this would help. Yes in fact - it has been proven (by me just now..?) that yes it works. Sing songs out loud that remind you of nothing and it feels FAB!!
I'm miserable these days, not really myself, not sure why?
Well I am sure I think, just don't want to say.
I'm stressed with schooool, and there is a constant little... person or something in my head tick tick ticking there all the flipping time and I can't get rid of them! Driving me nuts! How do you just forget people?? Seriously it's killing me
But yeah, hope all of you are well! I'm just waiting on a chinese to be delivered, it's awfully windy outside and I just had a terrible driving lesson. All is looking swell. NOT! haha, less of the depression, now pumping Rihanna Talk that Talk, please.. join me! :)
Thanks for sticking with me lovelies and keep on reading! I will be back to scratch, I promise. I like blogging too much :)
Ciao for now lovely people!!
xxx
Friday, 18 November 2011
Costa del living room
Hi lovely readers! I like to call you readers, as when I visit my stats page... you all seem to be reading still! I have no idea how you guys come across my blog, it baffles me but pleases me too :) thanks loads!!
How are we all? It's Friday *sings Rebecca Black* YAAAAAY! My house is awfully warm at the moment, I'm rather flushed and flustered. Just had a cup of tea too so perhaps that's why. Also, my brother made me try the "bite-the-ends-of-a-chocolate-biccy-and-use-it-as-a-straw" trick - I'M BEHIND THE TIMES!! NEVER TRIED IT BEFORE!! My mind was blown. Super amazing!
Busy week at school my goodness I've never felt so stressed in my life! I know I've been going on about things like that in my blog posts (things like life, growing up, independence, stress etc) but guys the moment has finally come - an epiphany!! I have realised these past two weeks that I am very very very verrrry ready to leave school and everything about it behind me. (how very sad really, but hey what ever, I'm finally fed up of the place after 7 long years!!)
It all just adds to determination and so yeah, hence the stress! I am very much heads-in-books for this last year, I want to rock my exams and get into the university that I want :) Then I'll be free to meet new people and be myself and start basically another life afresh! Exciting stuff :)
Just sitting in my living room having watched that MTV show "plain jane" - a load of BOLLOCKS might I add.. really awful.
I'm loving "Happy Endings" - it's like my new "Friends", really a great and funny show :) watch it!!
ALSO MY GOODNESSS!!!!!!!!!! we have booked a holiday. My first girlie party-esque holiday without family, summer 2012. I am SO excited! Really gives me something to look forward to within all the stress of school and exams :)
How's your year going guys? GCSEs? A-Levels? University?
Do comment, even just to say hello :) I appreciate your reading lots!
Ciao for now, and keep well :)
(photo courtesy of google, it's beautiful!)
....hahahahahaha I can hear my dad snoring down stairs... dear me... exciting household we have here.... haha :)
x x x
How are we all? It's Friday *sings Rebecca Black* YAAAAAY! My house is awfully warm at the moment, I'm rather flushed and flustered. Just had a cup of tea too so perhaps that's why. Also, my brother made me try the "bite-the-ends-of-a-chocolate-biccy-and-use-it-as-a-straw" trick - I'M BEHIND THE TIMES!! NEVER TRIED IT BEFORE!! My mind was blown. Super amazing!
Busy week at school my goodness I've never felt so stressed in my life! I know I've been going on about things like that in my blog posts (things like life, growing up, independence, stress etc) but guys the moment has finally come - an epiphany!! I have realised these past two weeks that I am very very very verrrry ready to leave school and everything about it behind me. (how very sad really, but hey what ever, I'm finally fed up of the place after 7 long years!!)
It all just adds to determination and so yeah, hence the stress! I am very much heads-in-books for this last year, I want to rock my exams and get into the university that I want :) Then I'll be free to meet new people and be myself and start basically another life afresh! Exciting stuff :)
Just sitting in my living room having watched that MTV show "plain jane" - a load of BOLLOCKS might I add.. really awful.
I'm loving "Happy Endings" - it's like my new "Friends", really a great and funny show :) watch it!!
ALSO MY GOODNESSS!!!!!!!!!! we have booked a holiday. My first girlie party-esque holiday without family, summer 2012. I am SO excited! Really gives me something to look forward to within all the stress of school and exams :)
How's your year going guys? GCSEs? A-Levels? University?
Do comment, even just to say hello :) I appreciate your reading lots!
Ciao for now, and keep well :)
....hahahahahaha I can hear my dad snoring down stairs... dear me... exciting household we have here.... haha :)
x x x
Wednesday, 2 November 2011
Current Read: One Day - David Nicholls
Hey everyone, how are you all doing?
On to my...what is it now... 3rd day of Halloween hols? Just having a relaxing day in today (which included going for a jog, so maybe not so relaxing after all!) and planning a possible shopping day tomorrow as I am in need of some lovely Autumn/winter bits :)
Thought I'd throw in a post to tell you all what I'm reading at the moment as so far it's really good!
I'm on chapter 7 part 2, so I'm getting there slowly but surely!
Everyone probably knows this from it's film release with Anne Hathaway - I haven't seen it yet but thought the film looked really good, without even knowing it was a book! So I borrowed this from a friend and it is real great so far :)
I'll probably update this post or add a new review one when I've finished the book, which I hope will be soon, but with school and all the amount I have to read for English...who knows! I'll stay hopeful!
Any new exciting reads out there anyone?
Ciao for now :)
x x x
On to my...what is it now... 3rd day of Halloween hols? Just having a relaxing day in today (which included going for a jog, so maybe not so relaxing after all!) and planning a possible shopping day tomorrow as I am in need of some lovely Autumn/winter bits :)
Thought I'd throw in a post to tell you all what I'm reading at the moment as so far it's really good!
I'm on chapter 7 part 2, so I'm getting there slowly but surely!
I'll probably update this post or add a new review one when I've finished the book, which I hope will be soon, but with school and all the amount I have to read for English...who knows! I'll stay hopeful!
Any new exciting reads out there anyone?
Ciao for now :)
x x x
Monday, 31 October 2011
Happy Halloween! Where have you been?
Hellooo Helloooo Hellooo lovely people!!
Tis the season that is..Halloween. HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!
How are you all? Once again I have been a very naughty and failed blogger for the past month or so. Failure of a person. I've just been enjoying school life (ha) and now currently enjoying my first day of a weeks freedom for Halloween holidays :) Have you anything nice planned?
I've always been a hater of Halloween a bit, but some how I am loving this year! It's flew in already though.. however, we do have the pumpkin up and running yay! No sparklers/fireworks as of yet, and I've already scoffed my chocolate and toffee apples..mm... so yes, I am feeling in the Halloween mood!
Out tonight for a paaaaarty! dressing up as a gypsy (classic). How expensive are costumes though??! It's ridiculous!!! Not even worth it as it's only one night.. and people frown on you if you recycle it the next year...
I am also well into my driving lessons now, not doing very well though.. I am a terrible driver :( I think I'm on lesson number 6 or 7.. so yes, hopefully a bit more practise and I can book my test. Yay.
I have some new products I want to review (how many times have I said this and not done it..?) Apologies, but I do want to get my camera up and running again and get photos taken and reviews DONE!!! I bet school will get in the way (as usual) but I will get right on this guys, I AM A RELIABLE PERSON I PROMISE!! (some of you are spluttering at your screens right now in disgust.. useless blogger..)
Hope you all have a wonderful family/friends filled halloween :)
Enjoy and be safe.. and eat.. a lot :)
Ciao for now lovelies, your reading is still very much appreciated by moi!
x x x
Tis the season that is..Halloween. HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!
How are you all? Once again I have been a very naughty and failed blogger for the past month or so. Failure of a person. I've just been enjoying school life (ha) and now currently enjoying my first day of a weeks freedom for Halloween holidays :) Have you anything nice planned?
I've always been a hater of Halloween a bit, but some how I am loving this year! It's flew in already though.. however, we do have the pumpkin up and running yay! No sparklers/fireworks as of yet, and I've already scoffed my chocolate and toffee apples..mm... so yes, I am feeling in the Halloween mood!
Out tonight for a paaaaarty! dressing up as a gypsy (classic). How expensive are costumes though??! It's ridiculous!!! Not even worth it as it's only one night.. and people frown on you if you recycle it the next year...
I am also well into my driving lessons now, not doing very well though.. I am a terrible driver :( I think I'm on lesson number 6 or 7.. so yes, hopefully a bit more practise and I can book my test. Yay.
I have some new products I want to review (how many times have I said this and not done it..?) Apologies, but I do want to get my camera up and running again and get photos taken and reviews DONE!!! I bet school will get in the way (as usual) but I will get right on this guys, I AM A RELIABLE PERSON I PROMISE!! (some of you are spluttering at your screens right now in disgust.. useless blogger..)
Hope you all have a wonderful family/friends filled halloween :)
Enjoy and be safe.. and eat.. a lot :)
Ciao for now lovelies, your reading is still very much appreciated by moi!
x x x
Wednesday, 19 October 2011
RAAAAAAAAAWWWWWR
HELLO
HELLO
HELLO
It's been ages. And no, this won't be one of those really exciting posts that come after a blogger hasn't blogged in ages. This will be a stupid one.... YAY (ew)
HOW ARE YOU?
I am well if you're wondering, still no time no motivation no what ever to do a nice big beauty post. Perhaps my blog has slowly become just a babbling one? I hope not.. I rather like the odd beauty post...
What's been happening? It feels like absolutely ages and it has been and I apologise!! I'm just sitting here with a towel on my head, fresh out of the shower and ready for sleeping!
Nothing really exciting has happened, looking forward to halloween and a good party :) Had the infamous PROM, it was brilllllllllll my goodness an amazing night :):):) I just want to sit around in my dress all day long...!
Okay.
Boring post, but I had to assure you I was alive, right? Besides, I'm not very cut out for tweeting either.. I'm not a great fan sadly!
ALSO
Go watch Rihanna's new video. And Coldplay's. My goodness. Both amazing songs and awesome videos :)
Okay, night lovelies, hope you're all keeping great!
I'll be back for propers sometime, sorry :(
Thanks for still reading! APPRECIATED MUCHLY!!!!
Ciao for now :):):)
x x x
HELLO
HELLO
It's been ages. And no, this won't be one of those really exciting posts that come after a blogger hasn't blogged in ages. This will be a stupid one.... YAY (ew)
HOW ARE YOU?
I am well if you're wondering, still no time no motivation no what ever to do a nice big beauty post. Perhaps my blog has slowly become just a babbling one? I hope not.. I rather like the odd beauty post...
What's been happening? It feels like absolutely ages and it has been and I apologise!! I'm just sitting here with a towel on my head, fresh out of the shower and ready for sleeping!
Nothing really exciting has happened, looking forward to halloween and a good party :) Had the infamous PROM, it was brilllllllllll my goodness an amazing night :):):) I just want to sit around in my dress all day long...!
Okay.
Boring post, but I had to assure you I was alive, right? Besides, I'm not very cut out for tweeting either.. I'm not a great fan sadly!
ALSO
Go watch Rihanna's new video. And Coldplay's. My goodness. Both amazing songs and awesome videos :)
Okay, night lovelies, hope you're all keeping great!
I'll be back for propers sometime, sorry :(
Thanks for still reading! APPRECIATED MUCHLY!!!!
Ciao for now :):):)
x x x
Sunday, 25 September 2011
I never thought I was stubborn, but I guess I'm pretty stubborn.
Hi lovelies :)
How are you all doing? I'm just a little bored from writing my personal statement so thought I would join you for a quick bloggy post. My mind is working over drive trying to think of things to write for this silly thing!! Well, saying that.. but I'm way over the word limit already. Don't know what to put in/take out etc etc uuugh.
(For you's who do not know, a personal statement is what you write when you're on your last year of school, basically you have to sell yourself to your chosen university. It's hard!)
So I'm sitting here thinking and listening to music, and thinking, and tweeting, and texting, and yadda yadda yadda.
Thennnnnnnn paranoid a bit.
I know exactly what I'm on about, I'm beating around the bush here. So you will have no idea what I'm trying to say????
I want to talk to someone. Someoneeeee in particular and well I can't really I have no idea why. (punctuation and grammar here - OUT THE WINDOW....I'm just writing as my brain processes..) So yeah, I never thought I was stubborn.... but I guess I'm pretty stubborn. I don't want to chase them y'know? I just want to talk to them. I don't even. Really, I don't want to converse with them. I want to hear from them. That'd be nice. Just a... hello. Then I can reply if I want to. Or not. Not having to have a full on conversation. Just, an acknowledgement.
This makes no sense right? I'm crazy. Maybe it will if you've felt the same.
gah.
Just, don't know :)
CIAO FOR NOW
x x x
How are you all doing? I'm just a little bored from writing my personal statement so thought I would join you for a quick bloggy post. My mind is working over drive trying to think of things to write for this silly thing!! Well, saying that.. but I'm way over the word limit already. Don't know what to put in/take out etc etc uuugh.
(For you's who do not know, a personal statement is what you write when you're on your last year of school, basically you have to sell yourself to your chosen university. It's hard!)
So I'm sitting here thinking and listening to music, and thinking, and tweeting, and texting, and yadda yadda yadda.
Thennnnnnnn paranoid a bit.
I know exactly what I'm on about, I'm beating around the bush here. So you will have no idea what I'm trying to say????
I want to talk to someone. Someoneeeee in particular and well I can't really I have no idea why. (punctuation and grammar here - OUT THE WINDOW....I'm just writing as my brain processes..) So yeah, I never thought I was stubborn.... but I guess I'm pretty stubborn. I don't want to chase them y'know? I just want to talk to them. I don't even. Really, I don't want to converse with them. I want to hear from them. That'd be nice. Just a... hello. Then I can reply if I want to. Or not. Not having to have a full on conversation. Just, an acknowledgement.
This makes no sense right? I'm crazy. Maybe it will if you've felt the same.
gah.
Just, don't know :)
CIAO FOR NOW
x x x
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)