'Ello 'ello 'ello!
What even was that? I have no idea. How are all you lovely readers? I realise I am being a complete and utter bore-more again as I am aware I have previously promised some beauty posts, with the smashbox photo finish primer being tops on that list, but once again I am lacking in motivation and inspiration in that department. Sooo.. thought I'd just come on and vent my feelings to you all once again. I will give you some time now to exit this blog...... bahaha :)
I am frustrated. (NOT IN THAT WAY..LOL). Ugh I just don't even know. You will be aware that I passed my driving test (yay) but, well, just nothing. I am insured on my brother's car and am free to drive it as he is highly generous and giving me a lend of it when ever I please. I have drove probably like.. 7 miles total in the past 2 weeks, with a sibling or parent accompanying me and I can assure you each trip was far from smooth!! I don't know what's wrong with me. I am genuinely afraid to drive alone. Genuinely. It's not even fear or anything, I'm not afraid of crashing or doing things wrong because let's face it, I passed - I did something right obviously! And it wasn't even a flooky pass - I know people who got like 14 minors and passed. I GOT 5. So I did okay, If I do say so myself...
However, I can't seem to place my finger on the problem. My brother is away now all week, his car is literally sitting outside vacant. He chose to get a train up to the city this week for work etc. so he's staying there. He asked me to take him to the train station and I wanted to........but I said no. Why? Because dropping him to the station meant that I would have to endure the journey back to my house - alone. AND THAT THOUGHT JUST SENT MY HEART RACING.
It just serious lack of confidence or something. I thought, hey, once I pass I'll have a few driving trips with my dad just to adjust, then I'll be a free little flower and get used to it alone. But.. it's like I can't even drive with family. I can. I just don't want to. I'll be honest, I sort of hate it? I don't feel like they're judging me or anything because they're quite the opposite - awfully supportive and saying I'm doing "brilliant, for not being in a car since 2 months of passing! WELL DONE" etcetcetc. I just can't relax. I'm not even concentrating on the road, I'm concentrating on making their journey a pleasure. To try and chat and look like I'm in control when the whole time I am literally shitting my pants. (bahahaha sorry. You understand though...). They're my family for heavens sake, why am I such a nervous state???
I feel like I need to just do one trip by myself and just be myself in the car and learn how to work it and get used to it. (my brother's car is pretty old and difficult compared to the brand new smooth running diesel number I did my lessons in!) It's been an absolutely beautiful day and is now a beautiful evening and I'd absolutely love to take a trip into town and practice the journey alone so maybe, just maybe, I could take myself into school tomorrow and that would just enlighten my confidence to a whole new level. Just can't picture me doing it though. Half imagining driving into town and then getting stuck or enduring some sort of problem and having to do the call of shame to my family.. like, yeah er... come and get me, sorry I rushed off so fast like "look at me I'm so confident" when really, I STILL NEED YOUR ASSISTANCE!!
I really don't know. I've passed. I did good. Why can't I keep up that confidence or believe in myself? This is something I've wanted for so long and it's finally here and I finally have a vehicle I can take for spins but I just can't bring myself to do it... I don't want to be one of those people who just doesn't drive... I feel as though I shouldn't have passed or something because I'm genuinely not that good.....
Anyone on the same boat? Some loving advice would be welcomed this way :)
Hope you are all doing well and I promise promise promise I will start beauty blogging and what not in the very near future! Also lots of exam things going on at the mo but I promise I will find the time :)
Thanks for reading as usual you wonderful little lambs!
Ciao for now :)
xxx
